Beauty Is In the Sky

The Second half of Health Care Assistant (HCA) training is complete only now have to attend Mental and Dementia Training next week,  hopefully starting on my permanent schedule on floor. 

And 12.5 hours left on my Relias Training. Goal is to knock out the trainings this month so I don't have to go over time that could put me at risk of going over my income limit. If I go over I would lose my SSDI. A lot of keeping track of everything to prevent screwing up Social Security Benefits. But I think I will end up liking this job. I had some floor training but not really, because I end up shadowing caregiver who only been there a week. The Blind Leading the Blind. 7.5 hours of training yesterday and I am going to try to finish my Relias training spreading it between Today and Saturday. 

                               Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/27/23

I love when the sky looks like this, not what causes it though. Usually it is like this because of forest fires. You cannot tell but it was a rainy day. God reminds me that there is always beauty around me when he shares his magnificent colored sky. 

                                 Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/27/23

No words... I just love sunsets. 

Mentally and Physically Challenged.

Life is picking up, as I start to begin my new job. I got to do orientation (my hiring start date) this past Wednesday on 9/20/23. First day training for my HCA certification was on Thursday. I thought I was only going to do some online Relias Training, but was asked to do a shift in Memory Care. Saturday I was asked to come in to do a shift, which I ended up in the assistive living. I will dive in why my title says mentally and physically challenging. In the memory care it is mentally challenging as I relate to the resident who are living in a group home, not the memory part but the confusing why they can not leave and some wanting to escape the building. The environment was quite and as I get to know each resident it was mentally sad inside. I can tell the frustration of confusion they were going through, not understanding why they were there, where certain things are, and why is certain love ones are not there. I was able to keep it together, also the environment seemsed slow, making my shift feel like it is dragging. It was hard to get to know residents as they were in their own world and did not know what was going on. Now for the assistive living that was different it was physically challenging. I end up walking down long halls, up and down stairs, and helping all different needed residents. From learning how to change briefs, moving residents (most bigger or taller than me). Very challenging on my body, I now understand the importance to use my legs to lift up residents. Even it was physically challenging I really like working with the residents as I able to get to know them a bit and had mostly positive interaction. The training is lacking though. Memory Care was okay because I caregiver who has been there for 3 months was helping me learn the ropes. But in the assistive living I followed a brand new co-worker she only had 2 shifts under her belt with little training as well. So it was blind leading the blind. I guess that has been the case at my work place. They are struggling with keeping staff on the schedule. But thankfully my first night at assistive living was not crazy, just pager buzzing and literaly moving between residents. We did have moments when our pager wasn't going off, meaning we were able to keep up with residents needs. I think I really like working in the assistive living more, I think my mental state is already being challenged in my daily life. I mean there will be times I will be asked to work in the memory care and that is fine. So sorry for a delayed posting. I got to figure out my schedule, so I will post when I can. 

                             Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/23/23

Yesterday evening as I left a 7.25 hour shift. The moon was pretty, surrounded by little clouds, in a perfect temperature. This picture does not capture the moon very well. 

A Challenge and A Progress

Okay I am 2 days behind already but I am not going to beat myself up for that. Monday was a pretty good day, nothing too much to report about but I have a few photos from my walk. 

                                Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/18/23

You may or may not tell but it was a breezy day, actual fall kind of weather. My kind of weather not to hot or cold but just right, still t-shirt weather. Sky had clouds but as you can tell the sky was blue. 

                             Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/18/23

Neighbors down the street has three kinds of fruit tree and this one is a pear tree. Not sure if they actually eat from these fruits or just let them fall off eventually. I hope they don't go to a waste, the fruits look like they are ready to be picked. 

                              Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/18/23

Darkness is trying to creep in as you can see the grey cloud looking like it is rolling in fast. But the blue sky and white clouds are shining through. 

                           Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/18/23.    

                            Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/18/23 

Not sure which I like better. The first one with a blur background or when I remember to take it off profile setting and getting the same shot but background is clear.

                               Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/18/23

If I remember correctly this was a bush/small tree and these weird looking things look cool. 

Tuesday was mixed with a challenge and a shine of progress in communicating to the group home MHP. I had a challenging counseling session, I mean let's be honest it has been challenging for a the last couple sessions. My counselor that I was working well with and feeling comfortable to share my feelings, has changed her approach. It is has made me feel like I need to know this counselor again and guard my feelings from her. But I want to be open minded and trust her that she knows what she is doing. I did have a successful conversation with the MHP at my group home. Since my Dad advocating for me, I think the MHP has realized his approach has been a little harsh and that I need a safe two way conversation. We were able to talk about my struggles and how they can help and what I can work on. We actually listened and shared our thoughts back and forth and I left the office building with a smile not in tears. It is a start, but I need to really know if it is real before really putting my guards down and trusting him again. The day turned around rather than me having a crappy day after a challenging counseling session. I let my self feel and cry in the parking lot and then drove home trying to make the best of the day. I got to enjoy a nice walk, I successfully drank my water from my new water bottle that helps me keep on track by having times to encourage me how much I should drink so that I can make sure to hydrate well. Also had a lovely time bowling with one of my church's small group, even though I did not score big.

                             Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/19/23

Just A Chill Day

Today was a pretty chill day. I couldn't go a Sunday without seeing my local urgent care. Third time the charm in one month. So they clarified a rapid test only shows if COVID is active or not so my negative rapid test did not mean I had no COVID. So my second COVID test was just showing it was in my system still and will be for a couple of months. But I did leave with a congestion med and a result of a Upper Respiratory Infection. I was determined to attend church again (it had been too many months that I walked away from God and Church) and nothing was going to stop me no matter if I barely have a voice. I did minimum of hugs, warning people they don't want to hug me. But it was good to be back, I sat on the floor at the back of the church, and guess what I did not fall asleep. My motivation is back, but I am doing a little too much for my sick body. Did a 20 min stationary bike exercise and it felt good until I was feeling like I was going to throw up or pass out. I did get to enjoy the movie "80 for Brady" go Patriots!! Now it is not even 6pm and I am already in PJs and ready for bed. Going to take a little nap before I wake up for my night meds and dinner that I was not ready to eat yet. So my photos today was a quick thinking, what am I going to photograph for this post. Then after the photos my title of this post came to me. 

                         Taken with Google Pixel 6 Pro on 9/17/23

                                    Taken with Pixel 6 Pro on 9/17/23

There is no need for a debate but this is the best kind of ice out there, nugget ice. I got myself an nugget ice machine last winter for my own Christmas present to myself and I have been able to enjoy it, but also share the ice with both kitchen at my group home so residents and staffs can enjoy it too. Sharing is caring!! 

There is Light at the End of the Tunnel

 Okay it has been many years since (June 4, 2019) I did my last post but I am going to make it a goal to do a entry a day. It has been a journey at my group home since April 11th of this year when I moved in. Many challenges and obstacles to overcome, recently it has gotten really tough with the group home staffs, the higher ups. Don't get me wrong I love the caregivers. The first week of having COVID for the first time and Strep at the same time two weeks ago, to a week of good health and until now after a week of another COVID positive with no voice or clear cough in site. I am tired of being sick, it has delayed me in starting my new job but it has not knocked me down. Many months of mixed emotions to being in tears every day because of the head staff mistreating me because I am highly functional so they see no issues or care needed. Also many dismissing and very strong boundaries. Just yesterday, I broke into tears falling my dad, telling him I am struggling and I might need to up root my life again and move into a 4th home in under 2 years. Not only did he do what I asked him to do, asking the staff to lose the leash on me so I can breathe and figure out a moving plan he advocated for me. I don't give my dad enough credit. He not only asked the staff to give me grace but talked to them about them neglected one of my diagnoses that does not seem fitting but I have been diagnosed before. Bipolar most people see manic state as someone super happy or super depress, well I get outburst anger when I am manic. I have known about my two diagnoses Bipolar 1 and Borderline Personality disorder but never could really understand the difference or pin point the symptoms of Bipolar in my life, not until my dad explained it to me after talking to the head MHP (the one who has made my life difficult). My dad advocating for me not only hopefully open the eyes of the MHP but made me feel like a real human again. I never mean to be defiant or argumentive, angry, or rude, just trying my best to follow guidelines but just need some extra help. My dad explained that to the MHP that I have unbalanced chemistry in my brain that makes me act out stronger than I usually am. He was able to explain if you just get my daughter on the right meds to help with the Bipolar symptoms you will experience the person who she really is a pleasant and friendly person, she does not have outburst for a reason but that she is experiencing mania right now. Shut out to my #1 dad. Because of this today I was finally able to have hope again that I have not really seen since July. I got myself motivated to take a walk around the block (my lungs was happy because more than that I would probably pass out). I took photos again that inspired me to start back up my blog. I want you all to enjoy my journey as I see the world again. I got to actually clean my car, I mean I did burn myself out a little too much, as my voice is nearly gone, coughing hard still, and breathing is tough on top of being in the heat for a long time. So please enjoy my photos and a little blurb about my day. 

.                      Taken with Google Pixel 6 Pro - 9/16/23

I almost miss this photo opportunity when I saw it walking by and I told myself, "you know what it would be a shame to not share with others." Not knowing this would spark my joy of photography again. 

                          Taken with Google Pixel 6 Pro - 9/16/23

                        Taken with Google Pixel 6 Pro - 9/16/23

You know how many times I have seen this view from either driving or walking and I never realized how beautiful it is, I mean a nice clear day makes it better but how lucky am I to live so close to see this view. It tells you how observant I am, this walk helped me slow down and enjoy the fresh air and beauty that God has created around me. 

                        Taken with Google Pixel 6 Pro - 9/16/23

Nature has been always something I enjoyed capturing even these are dead grass, there is still beauty, it just how you choose to look at it. 

                        Taken with Google Pixel 6 Pro - 9/16/23

  

                       Taken with Google Pixel 6 Pro - 9/16/23

There is that smile I have been looking for. This is pure joy, a hopeful young woman, not out of the woods yet though. Can you even tell I am sick. Look what a good clean shower can do. (That also has been a sign I am not doing well I procrastinate on the need for showering)